he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
