I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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