Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
