So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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