well you can't waste a boner
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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