We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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