I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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