conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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