can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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