we're chasing vodka with high fives
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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