So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I love you.
Bad choice
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