so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize