So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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