My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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