From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize