I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
