sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
