I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
