This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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