Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
wanna go halves on a baby?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
