Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
