put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
