Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
