12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
