thus making me awesome and them whores
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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