You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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