you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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