what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
