Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
