Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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