your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
