Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
