I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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