I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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