Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
