I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
