I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
