Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
