So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
