Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My vagina just clenched in fear
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
