I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
