He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
