He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
