My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
