And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
