They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
