and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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