$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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