if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
