We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
