Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
