The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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