Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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