I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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