i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
