did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
