I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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