oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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