Your face is a jimmy john
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
