i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
