new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
