I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
