Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
