Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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