His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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