I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
