oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
