I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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