The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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