I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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