I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
