Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
