I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
