found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
