i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
did you just send me my own nude
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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