how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The dick lei will go down in squad history
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
