If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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