I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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