i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
