i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
