Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I need to calm my uterus...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
