Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
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She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
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LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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