i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
