...so i touched it.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
