Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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