I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
