apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
