so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
