I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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