Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
