Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
