Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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