What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
