and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
